What a reference does
A reference is someone who agrees to speak or write about your work when an employer asks. Employers typically request references late in a hiring process, often after interviews, to confirm what they have heard and to learn how you work with others. A thoughtful reference can reinforce your application. A lukewarm or surprised one can cause doubt.
Because the person is doing you a favor, how you choose and approach them matters as much as the title they hold.
Choosing who to ask
Aim for people who have seen your work closely and can describe it with specifics. Typical candidates include:
- A current or former manager.
- A colleague who worked alongside you on a project.
- A client, customer or partner you served.
- A professor, supervisor or coordinator, if you are early in your career.
- A volunteer leader or community organizer who watched you do real work.
Seniority is less important than familiarity. A direct supervisor who remembers your projects usually gives a more useful answer than a senior executive who barely knew you. Try to include a mix: someone who managed you, someone who worked beside you, and perhaps someone who depended on your work.
Think about the role you are applying for, too. If the job emphasizes teamwork, choose someone who saw you collaborate. If it emphasizes independent problem solving, choose someone who saw you handle a challenge. Looking at your personal strengths can help you decide what you want references to confirm.
People to be careful with
- Anyone you left on bad terms or are unsure about. If you cannot predict what they would say, you may want to ask them privately first, or choose someone else.
- Family members and close friends, who are generally not seen as professional references.
- Your current employer, if they do not know you are looking. Many people wait until an offer is pending, or give a former manager instead, and explain this to the hiring team.
When to ask
Ask before you list someone, not after. Never put a name on an application without permission. Ideally, you reach out when you start applying, so the person is not surprised by a call. If an employer says they will check references soon, send a brief heads-up to your contacts the same day.
If it has been a long time since you spoke, begin by reconnecting. A message that opens with a request after years of silence can feel abrupt. A short update about what you have been doing, and a genuine question about how they are, can help. This is similar to the follow-up habits people use for networking follow-up, and keeping your professional network warm makes this easier.
How to ask
Make it easy for the person to say yes or no. Offer a way out. A direct but courteous request might look like this:
Hi Dana, I hope you’re doing well. I’m applying for a project coordinator role and would be glad to list you as a reference, since you supervised my work on the scheduling project. Would you be comfortable speaking positively about my work? If your schedule is tight, I completely understand.
Notice the features:
- It says what the role is.
- It reminds them of the shared work.
- It asks whether they feel able to give a positive reference, which allows them to decline gracefully.
- It does not pressure.
If the person hesitates or declines, thank them and move on. A reluctant reference is usually worse than none.
Give them what they need
Once someone agrees, help them prepare. Send:
- Your current resume.
- The job posting or a short description of the role.
- A few reminders of projects you did together, with approximate dates.
- The points you hope they can highlight, phrased as suggestions rather than a script.
- Who is likely to contact them, and when, if you know.
It is fine to ask how they prefer to be contacted, whether by phone or email, and to confirm their current contact details. Many employers ask for a name, job title, relationship, phone number and email, so have those ready in a separate document formatted to match your resume. It is usually unnecessary to put the references on the resume itself, as covered in the guidance on resume writing.
Written recommendations
Some people also collect written recommendations, which can be shared on a professional profile or attached when requested. Ask in the same way, and offer to write a draft of key facts if that would help them. Let them edit freely. Anything that reads as written by you rather than them tends to lose its value.
Preparing for the call
References can help your case if they are consistent with your own account. Before an interview, review how you describe your role, your achievements and your reasons for leaving. If you are using a method like the STAR method to prepare stories, share the main ones with your reference so they can recall the same projects. You do not need to coach them on exact words. You just want them to remember accurately.
If you were let go, or your exit was messy, think about what a neutral version looks like, and consider telling your reference what you plan to say so there are no surprises.
Thank them
Thank people twice: once when they agree, and again after the process ends. A short, sincere note is enough. Include whether you got the job, because they will often be curious. A thank-you note should be specific about what their help meant, rather than generic. For example:
Thanks again for speaking with the hiring team last week. I’m happy to share that I accepted an offer, and I’m grateful for your support.
If the outcome was not what you hoped, a brief update is still polite.
Then keep in touch. Share news now and then, offer help when you can, and remember that references are relationships rather than transactions.
A quick checklist
- Choose people who know your work well.
- Ask permission before listing anyone.
- Give them an easy way to decline.
- Send your resume and the job details.
- Tell them when a call may come.
- Thank them and share the result.
No reference can guarantee an offer, but a prepared, willing and informed one is a real asset in the final stage of hiring.